Heard

It is funny how one thing heard takes you to places in your head at odd times in the morning when you really should be sleeping.

I have not fought for people who have said no to me, maybe because I have not yet found the confidence to ask why or I have not been able to explain to myself to mostly like people who do not share the same feelings as me. Or in fact maybe I have just not found someone I want to fight for yet, although I suspect I have, I just have not found the courage to do so yet. I fall for someone every couple of years on average I would guess. They are almost always friends, but I guess that explains a lot about me, I take it slow due to past relationships and my belief in the need for trust early on in any kind of relationship; be it romantic or just friendship.

I found an album today that reminds me of love and light, that sounds odd, but it has truly moved me, I can see how love has ups and downs, has the ability to shake its complexities at you, show you secrets, surprise you and remind you that there is life. I am no Shakespeare but I find myself wishing I could write words that flow to the sounds that would express my feelings in the same way this music speaks to me. There is an element of the sea coming in and going out, showing you its hidden depths and expressing something deeper than I expected, of course for me it is the sea, but then I love the sea too.

I am kind of rambling but then I guess that is what makes me, me. I am finding it hard to sleep as I listen to this album for the fourth time this evening, mostly because it makes me want to express myself better and greater, with words of wisdom. I wonder a little if it has brought out the part of me that wishes it a fought a bit harder last time I was given a very polite no, falling for your friends sucks sometimes, as it means you don’t risk pushing for anything more after risking saying anything at all.

The Album by the way is: La Scala: Concert 03 03 03 – Ludovico Einaudi (Amazon link)

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard – Winnie the Pooh

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